I checked into jail on foursquare
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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