You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
