I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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