That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
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