Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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