So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
