Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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