i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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