.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
