Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
