She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Randomize
