Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
