as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
