I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
You've changed since you got that strap on
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Randomize
