Swine flu. Run for my life!
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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