Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Randomize
