nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Randomize
