I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
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