Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
