He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
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