their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
