just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
soo... how was my night?
Randomize
