She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
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