God, you're like boner-b-gone
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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