Heybabeimwearingurpanties
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
