she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Congratulations! We have a period
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