walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
