Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
