just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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