someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
We need to rekindle our bromance
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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