You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
