im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I haven't been this sober since birth.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
