im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
