I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
