I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
