i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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