Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
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