Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
