just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
