Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
