So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Who wears a wallet chain?!
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Randomize
