I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
