I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
