We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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