she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
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