literally had 100 drinks last night.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
