apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
