First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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