You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
