He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
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