god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Randomize
