OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
