please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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